Dogs Live Here

If you don't want to be greeted with paws and wiggly rears,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.

If you don't like the feel of a cold nose or wet tongue,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.

If you don't want to step over scattered bones and toys,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.

If you think a home ought to smell like perfume,
Don't come inside, because DOGS LIVE HERE.

But if you don't mind all this,
you'll instantly be loved when you do come inside,
Because DOGS LIVE HERE!

Don't tell Gizmo, Sumo, Missy Linn or Kupid (or Furby) that I referred to them as "DOGS".

There is no such thing as 'just a dog at our house!

GROWING OLD WITH DOGS

When I am old
I will wear soft gray sweatshirts...
and a bandana over my silver hair...
and I will spend my social security checks on wine and my dogs.
I will sit in my house on my well-worn chair and listen to my dogs' breathing.
I will sneak out in the middle of a warm summer night
and take my dog for an ice cream , if my old car will allow...
When people come to call,
I will smile and nod as I show them my dogs...
and talk of them and about them...
...The ones so beloved of the past
and the ones so loved today...
I will still work hard cleaning after them
and feeding them and whispering their names in a soft loving way.
I will wear the gleaming sweat on my brow, like a
jewel and I will be an embarrassment to all...
especially my family... who have not yet found the peace
in being free to have dogs as your best friends...
These friends who always wait, at any hour, for your footfall...
and eagerly jump to their feet out of a sound sleep,
to greet you as if you're a God,
With warm eyes full of adoring love and hope that you will always stay,
I'll hug their big strong necks...
I'll kiss their dear sweet heads...
I look in the mirror...
and see I am getting old...
this is the kind of person I am...
and always has been.
Loving dogs is easy, they are a part of me.
Please accept me for who I am.
My dogs appreciate and love my presence in their lives...
you will understand when you are old....
If you have dogs you love, too.

Rules for THE DOG

Rules for "The Dog"

Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

Once inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.

The dog is never allowed on the furniture. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole darn works and buy new furniture...upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the pillow. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping. That's just not fair.

The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary resident" --- even if it's true (and it is SO true at our house)!

The Top Ten Reasons Your Dog's Hair Cut Costs More than Yours

The Top Ten Reasons Your Dog's Hair Cut Costs More than Yours:

10. Your hairdresser doesn't wash and clean your rear end.

9. You don't go for eight weeks without washing or brushing your hair.

8. Your hairdresser doesn't have to give you a sanitary trim.

7. Your hairdresser doesn't have to clean your ears.

6. Your hairdresser doesn't have to clean boogies from your eyes.

5. You sit still for your hairdresser.

4. Your haircut doesn't include a manicure or pedicure.

3. Your hairdresser only washes and cuts the hair on your head.

2. You don't bite or scratch your hairdresser (I hope not anyway).

And the Number 1 reason your dog's haircut costs more than yours....

1. The likelihood of you pooping or peeing while your hair is being cut is extremely slim!